Ephesians 6:1-4
The most valuable instruction we give our children is sincere faithfulness to God, our spouse, our church, and to our community.
ICE BREAKER
How well were you prepared for raising children?
Having kids presents a lot of mystery.
The mystery begins with questions.
Why is our baby crying? Does her tummy hurt or her ears or is she sick?
Why is my child not reading yet?
Later in life we start asking different kinds of questions.
Who broke the chair? Who scratched the car?
We must also wrestle with the most important question:
Why did God give me this child? Discuss some of the reasons God gives us children.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- Please refer to the slides for this sermon and look at the four quadrants. What type of home did you grow up in?
Did you feel loved and were you able to always get your way?Discuss with your group the type of home you have now.
- When we think of the jar of marbles and we reflect back on the journey of our parenting we often feel guilt. Guilt can stir us toward change which is good or it can immobilize us and we get stuck in condemnation.
How can we make each week count in our parenting without getting stuck in condemnation(If you do not have children reflect on your closest friendships or someone you are leading or mentoring.)?This question is not meant to create pressure, rather, it is intended to create vision and intentional relating.
Spend some time quietly reflecting on how you can make an hour, an evening, a week, a summer, or a vacation count.
Consider things like: fostering one to one time in a consistent way or reflect on an interest your child has and come alongside your child in a consistent manner. Pray with your child, or engage with your children in the content they are learning at church each week.
After spending some time alone, gather as a group and share your thoughts.
- The most valuable instruction we give our children is sincere faithfulness to God, our spouse, our church, and our community.
Reflect on a way you can foster your faithfulness in one of these areas this week. Share your thoughts with the group.
NOTES AND QUOTES
God tells us that children are a gift from God.
Children are an essential ingredient regarding the purpose of marriage.
Think of a jar filled with marbles. Each marble in the jar represents one week in the life of a child from their birth to age 18.
How can we make each week count? This question is not meant to create pressure, rather, it is intended to create vision and intentional relating.
When we think of the jar of marbles and we reflect back on the journey of our parenting we often feel guilt.
Guilt can stir us toward change which is good or it can immobilize us and we get stuck in condemnation.
Most often kids follow a parents’ lifestyle but not always.
For each parent there is a deep, humbling dependency on the work of Christ in each childs’ heart. God graciously pursues each of our children but our children do not always respond.
One of the most powerful things a parent can offer their children is repentance.
Please refer to the slides for the sermon and look at the four quadrants and determine which quadrant your home is in.
Upper left quadrant is the home marked by boredom, the upper right is shame, lower left is subtle shame, and the lower right is anger.
Our role as parents is not to be perfect but it is to teach our kids what to do with imperfection.
Ephesians 6:1-4 draws from the Exodus passage which contains the command to honor our parents. This commandment comes with a promise of reward.
The reward is that it will go well with you and that you may live long in the land.
To honor our parents is to first honor God. Then we live out honoring God by honoring our parents.
Instruction to the parent is not to provoke our children to anger but to bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord.
Instruction of the Lord comes through the Word of God as well as the Spirit and the people of God.
Parental discipline must be given in a way that invites life. It should not be in anger.
As children grow up they are asking two crucial questions:
Am I loved?
Can I have my own way?
So, when we reflect on the answers to these questions we end up with 4 options in any given home.
If a child grows up in a home without love and the ability to have your own way she becomes a survivor or a loner.
If we know we are not loved and we cannot have our own way we are describing a legalistic home.
Kids become either a rebel or a robot.
This home breeds deep insecurity.
If we are loved and we get our own way the home is warm but it is weak and it spoils kids. Kids grow up with fear, anxiety, and low self discipline.
The healthiest home is the home that says you are loved but you cannot get your own way.
In this home fosters security within a child.
In I Kings 1:5-6 we learn that King Davids’ parenting was permissive.
The consequences of this failure in parenting can be seen in this passage.
There is a clear connection between our current behavior and how we were raised.
Why does God give us children?
We are given children for the continuation and expansion of the Kingdom of God. As parents we live, instruct, and discipline to cultivate godliness, vocation, and a deep sense of caring for all of creation.
Please refer to the slides for this sermon to help in reflecting on the following model of parenting.
There are four quadrants for parenting: wise counsel, mentoring, coaching, and directing.
Wise counsel–low supportive, low directive.
“I know you got it and are competent at it but I am here if and when you need us.”
If you have adult kids this is messy. Keep coming back to asking your adult children questions.
Mentoring–high supportive, low directive. “Since you know how to do this, what you need is for me to listen and not give advice.”
Coaching–high supportive, high directive. An example of a coaching question: “Since you are still learning, would it be helpful if I give you some direction and I’d also like to hear your ideas?”
Directing–low supportive, high directive. “Is it okay since you have not done this before to walk you through this first?”
The most valuable instruction we give our children is sincere faithfulness to God, our spouse, and our community.
In our faithfulness to these things our children are shaped to fear God and not man and to recognize and nurture the dignity of human beings.
To be faithful to a spouse includes speaking in humanizing ways not dehumanizing ways.
We don’t live our dreams through our kids.
We don’t draw our fulfillment through our kids.
Our church ministries are crucial as we come alongside children to disciple them.
